In the Blink of an Eye
The phone rang. I picked up to hear Mom's voice on the line "Gloria, come over here, I can't wake up your father." As I ran out my back door, through the gate, and into my parent's back door. I yelled "where is he?" Mom, standing in front of the recliner, pointed to him. I ran to him and he was motionless. Eyes closed, headed drooped forward, no visible signs of life. I touched his arm, it was cold. I tried to find a pulse, I put my hands on either side of his face and he was ice cold. Pale. I stepped back and said "Mom, he's gone." She cried out "No! No! We just talked about this last night!" Her hands flew to her face. My physical step back and hearing my Mom cry out was a mental reset out of daughter mode and into nurse mode, a voice in my head said call 9-1-1. I ran for the phone and dialed. As the phone rang, I tried for a pulse again and Mom yelled "look!" We saw Dad's chest rise and fall. I found his pulse. I can't remember if I hit his chest before or after this, but I did. I yelled "Daddy, Daddy open your eyes."
In the minutes waiting for the paramedics to arrive, Dad's color had slowly returned to his face and his body warmed again, but he was still non-responsive. My fingers remained glue to his wrist feeling for his heartbeat, it was slow, but it was there. He was able to open his eyes for the paramedics briefly but unable to focus on them or hold a conversation. They strapped him in a gurney and rolled him away.
When I arrived in the Emergency Room, I had already texted my sister who was on her way. They told me that my Dad was being triaged and to please wait, someone would be with me. I sat and waited, staring at the door, willing it to open and have someone tell me that I could join Dad. The moment came and as I walked back to his room, he was sitting up in the bed smiling at me. I just shook my head from side to side.
The next 3 nights and 4 days were filled with testing and observation. There was not a direct answer, the diagnosis would have to be found through a process of elimination. Dad could not remember anything about the event. He said he remembers sitting in his recliner and then "waking up" in the ambulance. He can't remember the emergency room either. He told me "I think I died. If that is how it feels to die, it's okay." My sister stayed nights with him and I stayed days. For many years, I would be frustrated with my sister, but I have learned a valuable lesson for which I am so thankful for.....focus on her strengths and respect them, and who she is is someone you want in your corner in a medical crisis.
On the 4th day, we had a diagnosis, a plan and a discharge. Dad has Shy-Drager Syndrome, also known as autonomic dysfunction, also know as Multiple System Atrophy. Don't research it, it's scary.
True to my personality, I blocked my emotions and thoughts these last few days. I can't break down when my family needs me...I have to hold it together, focus on the moment and the work that needs to be done. But now that Dad has been discharged, I've begun to read about his diagnosis and the feelings are coming. Today as I walked into my bedroom, I talked to God. I thanked Him that I still had my Dad with me and for His guidance. I told Him how today could have been such a different kind of day had things gone differently and how my life could have been completely changed in this very moment if Daddy was gone. But instead, as I type this at 2 am in the morning unable to sleep, he is lying in bed, next to Mom, in the house next door to me as I silently urge him through the space between us to take another breath and for his heart to stimulate another beat. I feel the weight of that.
Need You More
by King & Country
In the minutes waiting for the paramedics to arrive, Dad's color had slowly returned to his face and his body warmed again, but he was still non-responsive. My fingers remained glue to his wrist feeling for his heartbeat, it was slow, but it was there. He was able to open his eyes for the paramedics briefly but unable to focus on them or hold a conversation. They strapped him in a gurney and rolled him away.
When I arrived in the Emergency Room, I had already texted my sister who was on her way. They told me that my Dad was being triaged and to please wait, someone would be with me. I sat and waited, staring at the door, willing it to open and have someone tell me that I could join Dad. The moment came and as I walked back to his room, he was sitting up in the bed smiling at me. I just shook my head from side to side.
The next 3 nights and 4 days were filled with testing and observation. There was not a direct answer, the diagnosis would have to be found through a process of elimination. Dad could not remember anything about the event. He said he remembers sitting in his recliner and then "waking up" in the ambulance. He can't remember the emergency room either. He told me "I think I died. If that is how it feels to die, it's okay." My sister stayed nights with him and I stayed days. For many years, I would be frustrated with my sister, but I have learned a valuable lesson for which I am so thankful for.....focus on her strengths and respect them, and who she is is someone you want in your corner in a medical crisis.
On the 4th day, we had a diagnosis, a plan and a discharge. Dad has Shy-Drager Syndrome, also known as autonomic dysfunction, also know as Multiple System Atrophy. Don't research it, it's scary.
True to my personality, I blocked my emotions and thoughts these last few days. I can't break down when my family needs me...I have to hold it together, focus on the moment and the work that needs to be done. But now that Dad has been discharged, I've begun to read about his diagnosis and the feelings are coming. Today as I walked into my bedroom, I talked to God. I thanked Him that I still had my Dad with me and for His guidance. I told Him how today could have been such a different kind of day had things gone differently and how my life could have been completely changed in this very moment if Daddy was gone. But instead, as I type this at 2 am in the morning unable to sleep, he is lying in bed, next to Mom, in the house next door to me as I silently urge him through the space between us to take another breath and for his heart to stimulate another beat. I feel the weight of that.
Need You More
by King & Country
In the blink of an eye
Life flashed
Right in front of my eyes
Life flashed
Right in front of my eyes
Never knew that the fear
Could cripple my chest
In the blink of an eye
The light left
Could cripple my chest
In the blink of an eye
The light left
So lonely it is
So lonely tonight is
And I wish I knew why
Yeah, I wish I knew why
So lonely tonight is
And I wish I knew why
Yeah, I wish I knew why
I need You more
Yeah, I need you more
More than ever before
Yeah, I need you more
Yeah, I need you more
More than ever before
Yeah, I need you more
Prepare for the worst
Hope for the best
Won't you steady my heart
For whatever comes next?
Hope for the best
Won't you steady my heart
For whatever comes next?
So holy it is
So holy tonight is
Oh, now I know I
Now I know I
So holy tonight is
Oh, now I know I
Now I know I
I need You more
Yeah, I need you more
More than ever before
Yeah, I need you more
Yeah, I need You more
Yeah, I need you more
More than ever before
Yeah, I need you more
Yeah, I need you more
More than ever before
Yeah, I need you more
Yeah, I need You more
Yeah, I need you more
More than ever before
Yeah, I need you more
Just a little closer, a little clearer
Our souls are nearer tonight
Just a little sweeter, a little deeper
Our souls are nearer tonight
Just a little closer, a little clearer
Our souls are nearer tonight
And just a little sweeter, a little deeper
Our souls are nearer tonight
Our souls are nearer tonight
Just a little sweeter, a little deeper
Our souls are nearer tonight
Just a little closer, a little clearer
Our souls are nearer tonight
And just a little sweeter, a little deeper
Our souls are nearer tonight
Comments
Post a Comment